Necessity is the Motherhood of Reinvention!

I look out at the expansive fairway and back up as if there's not enough room for what I am about to do.  A slow measured jog turns into an all-out run as I prepare for multiple cartwheels. One   two   three   four   five  –  and then I'm done. I look back, dimples of grass indicate where my hands and feet briefly touched down.  I'm very happy with what I just accomplished.

When I open my eyes I still see wall to wall green grass, but accomplishing the feat that I just did was virtual and now virtually impossible for me to do.   However, my mind is a powerful tool and keeps me as active as I was more than half a lifetime ago.  I envision taking the stairs three at a time and running whenever the mood strikes me.  In reality physical activities such as these are limited.  I don't allow that to determine who I am or what I am capable of doing in other areas, though.

As a large part of the nations' population grows older lifestyles become restrictive and have limitations placed upon them.  Many lose hope as they pine for the good old days: The days when they could run, climb and jump seem so long ago and, at the same time, just like yesterday.  

Our minds are powerful and capable of turning somersaults if we'll let them.  Now is the time to create what you once had by allowing your imagination to run wild.  Aging is no excuse for not singing or dancing.  There is no reason not to smile or laugh.  This might be the best time of your life as you attempt to do something you've never done before.


Desire and ability may be overruled by reality, but reality does have options.  Test the waters and find the middle ground of desire and ability.  You may be pleasantly surprised at what you can do.  Reinvent yourself.  You did when you stopped crawling and started walking.  You did it again when you went from riding a bike to driving a car.  You did it as you stopped getting allowance and started earning your own money.  And again you did it as you switched one career for another.  If Madonna, who is now in her fifties, can keep reinventing herself, so can you!

Battle of the Soul

'The Battle of the Soul' was written as a testament to the strength of the spirit.  Often the spirit is deeply buried and does not reveal itself until challenged in a "do or die" situation.

Battle of the Soul

R-a-g-e.  Bottled up deep inside for so long began to erupt.

Unstoppable, unbridled, with a life force of its own churning and twisting and turning: struggling to break out of its self-imposed prison.  Language, thoughts, emotions and memories scrambled together like so many expired eggs tumbling out of a cardboard carton onto a cold, hard floor. 

Injuries inflicted on her internal spirit merged together on the highway of life at warp speed, resulting in a horrifying crash.  Body parts, blood, tissue, personal effects flinging in every direction, splattered over every surface: Explicit details of the soul’s carnage.

Her tormentor was good ­– really good.  He was smooth and sympathetic, clucking and tsk-tsking at all the right times.  Big and strong he enveloped her with golden haired arms allowing her to feel that, as her protector, nothing would get past him.  He was the one and only one who could take care of her the way she needed to be taken care of.  He let it be known that no one could ever love her the way he loved her. When she started to question herself, he was agreeable and understood why she felt that way, but then – wait! 

Have more patience with me he would say.  I’m sorry he would murmur.  Forgive me he would whine.  I don’t deserve you he would cry.  He knew a sap when he saw one.  While not a musician, he knew which strings to pluck and play.  Why could she not see that someone was needed to protect her from her protector?

She knew.  Yet, over, and over, and over again she allowed herself to be baited and switched.  He knew a sap when he saw one. 

Inevitably it happened.  It was bound to.  She came unglued.  Wild horse untethered, shaken carbonated soda-can explosion of a meltdown.  Frustration and sadness – a life form unto itself; it finally happened.  She detonated.

This kind, caring individual: mother, daughter, sister, friend, mentor, student and teacher fell away from her partially restrained life like a soiled bandage past its prime.  This verbally law abiding citizen committed an act of oral abuse.  Unleashing more than a quarter of a century’s worth of inflicted censorship and twenty seven plus years of acceptance of worthless apologies, she morphed into one high blood pressured, apoplectic middle aged woman.

This otherwise outwardly calm lady was done.  Baked.  Kaput.  Her emotional strength drained from her tired body.  Like a well that’s run dry, she internally heaved and let out one last sound: A deep-gutted moan infused with a guttural groan rolled past her larynx and pressed on through partially opened terrified lips.

The body builders at the gym straining to lift their multi-kilo crucible, the karate adversaries high kicking at one another’s solar plexus, the constipated and those emerging from nightmares might fractionally, fractionally, come close to the sound of this spirit’s defeat. 

The pain that wrenched her body and tore at her soul was relentless.  Waves of confusion as her tormentor sought to console and blame her simultaneously pushed her to a limit beyond all limits.  Stumbling, grasping at the unstable terrain, she flailed and lost balance.  Fingers in rigor mortis form raked the jagged rocks that tore at the sensitive flesh of her self, pawing the thin air that was the only thing left between her and the beyond. And then it happened. The wretched choreography of the damned and the who gives a damn; she crossed over. 

There was nothing left to grasp.  Sanity at this point was just a faint memory, an illusion of what could have been — what might have been.  There was no more.  She let go. 

Gravity pulled her down like a ton of bricks.  Gaining momentum she rocketed earthward.  Eyes closed. No more fight.  No more will.  Take me.  Take me.

With a dull, hollow thud, she hit bottom.  Her body bounced a couple of times upon impact.  Dust flew up around her in a cyclone of fairy particles that settled, over what seemed to be drawn out minutes, but what must have been only seconds.

Defeated. A white-flag moment.  No more fight.  No more will to fight. 

Time stood still in the quiet aftermath of the soul’s demise. With downcast eyes mourners whispered prayers for the loss of a soul. When all that could be said was said quiet overtook the violent scene. There was no more sound; it was dead quiet, like being sealed in a vacuum. The quiet crept into every corner and rolled back into the center of the crime until it seemed to implode. A black hole of quiet.  The ethereal silence seemed to signal closure.

Time passed. Those closest that witnessed the surreal scene prepared to leave, heads bowed and hearts heavy, and then it happened.  A life form was felt. A presence so strong, so pure, so unbelievably solid that you didn’t need to see it to know that it was there. It was beating and breathing and beautiful.

The soul was still alive!  The soul had survived!

Unfurling, like petals breaking free from a raw, green bud, the spirit of the soul emerged. It opened and came alive. And as it commenced its rebirth and prepared for its victory walk, the flesh was compelled to be a part of the whole.  In cinematic fashion what had been done was now undone.

Her strength was impenetrable. Calm and dignified with love and truth pouring out from every pore of her being, she reigned supreme.  Nothing – I mean not a thing, could touch her.  Anger fell away from her, reaction and judgment didn’t exist, and purity of spirit was worn like a cloak woven by the angels themselves: a rebirth of the highest order. This soul, super heroine of the forgotten and betrayed spirit lived.

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Should one dare to listen to the quiet in the midst of a storm, it can be heard.  When the chips have fallen and the dust has settled, the bruised spirit lives on.  When inner strength is summoned to quietly right a loud wrong, the soul, the super hero, the super nova of our being exists. It always has.

Riding The Roller Coaster

Life is like riding a roller coaster — ups and downs, swerves and curves along the way, moments that take your breath away and make you want to shut your eyes ever so tightly wishing it was over. As you lose momentum and slowly pull into the exit station at the end of the ride, you realize that it was temporary, and maybe not so unnerving or scary after all.

You also realize that there is no way to disembark during the dizzying ride, and just like life, it has to play out.

Keeping present to your life, to being, is what it's all about. Sure, we like to reminisce. We think back to yesteryear, at times with joy, at times with misgivings. And we think ahead to the future, often with great anticipation, though sometimes with apprehension. Being in being (no misprint) is what keeps anxiety and despair at bay. Taking on tomorrow's problems today is without merit. Staying present is where it's at!

Are Two Heads Better Than One?

The answer is ... yes!

Jordan S. Rubin, N.M.D., C.N.C., author of Patient Heal Thyself, touches on the second central nervous system of our body. Located in the enteric nervous system, buried under layers of tissue lining the esophagus, stomach, small intestine and colon, the "other" brain is as good an indicator of our emotions, feelings and medical well being as is the brain in our head.

The "gut" is another part of our physiology that develops early on in embryogenesis. From a division of a clump of tissue called the neural crest, and early on in fetal development, comes our brain and gut through different migratory paths.

Let me explain why I am writing about this topic.

Years ago, while dealing with my own health issues, I was given this book to read. An alternative to basic medical procedures and protocols, it opened up my eyes to the fact that there can always be another approach. It's not always out there and readily seen or available, but through determination, research and an openness to other options, may be discovered.

Every day we hear about a family member, friend or acquaintance that has been heavily burdened with a serious health issue. It is neither easy for the patient nor the patient's family and friends. The expression "health is everything" is a truism.

Addressing the "two brains" of our bodies is not the only two heads to which I am referring. We often ask for second opinions when it comes to medical situations. In support of all who are dealing with serious health challenges, I encourage you to stay positive and seek alternative solutions in addition to the standardized methods and treatments of the medical world. I am forever grateful for medical research and our community of doctors and hospitals, yet, additionally, there are many other amazing, lesser known options available to us.

Patient Heal Thyself is just one of many ways to open up our minds. Jordan almost died of Crohn's disease, but through a tenacious desire to live, and live healthily, found a cure for what ailed him.

Whatever your medical challenge, stay vigilant. Look for cutting edge research and development. Be optimistic. Surround yourself with positives and good energy. Have several servings of humor per day. Jordan's book's dedication, "To all people afflicted with illnesses that leave them fearful and hopeless and who suffer needlessly and don't experience the abundant life we were all meant to enjoy", expresses his desire that we all overcome our medical obstacles. Further, he writes, "This book and my prayers go out to each and every one of you."

I dedicate this column to all of you – patients, caregivers and concerned friends. Please know that you are not alone. We have all been, at one time or another, a patient, caregiver, or concerned friend. Be proactive in your daily lives, because caring starts with caring for ourselves. May the capacity for healing find us all.

Sending love, positive energy and light to guide you on your journey.

Live and Learn

This morning as I got out of bed I heard a small commotion outside my window. A young boy was crying that he didn't want to go to church. He said that he hated church and really didn't want to be there. His mother's reply caught me off guard. She told him that because he hated church and didn't want to go this morning she would make him go two or three more times this week!

I know, as parents, we don't always have the right answer available at the time of the situation. If we had a dollar for every time that happened, we'd all be millionaires! How do we handle these types of situations effectively for each party to come out a winner?

Deactivate reaction. Deactivate reaction. By thinking twice, counting to ten, sleeping on something, we all come out as winners. It is the nano second reaction that gets us into hot water. If we take this mother's response as an example, we can stand back and observe in a detached manner. Instead of punishing her son by giving him more time in church, she might have asked one question — why do you hate church? His answer would probably have led her to a better understanding and a solution to his emotional upset. She punished him with the thing that she wanted him to like. This skewed solution only achieves more anger, misunderstanding and reactive behavior. The mother's frustration and reaction dug a deeper hole, manifesting a more difficult path to travel in the subsequent days.

The expression "live and learn", is spoken very often off the cuff. But by realizing that that is what we are supposed to do, learn by our experiences, our mistakes, and not just a blasé retort when something goes wrong, is a valuable lesson. When we take that ten seconds, digest it and commit it to memory and a part of our education of life, we multiply our chances of making better judgment calls in the future.

None of us has all the answers, even though the answers are already known, hidden behind many veils. By deactivating reaction, our minds can sort through the process whereby we arrive at a calmer, more practical solution. It just takes practice. Live and learn.

The Gift of Giving

Throughout my life I've been the recipient of numerous gifts. I'm not talking about things that come wrapped up in a box – I'm speaking of the intangibles. Just as we need oxygen, water, food and sleep to exist, our spirit and soul need to be nourished with equally important gifts: love, respect, kindness, humor, friendship, and affection. We can get through life without the tangibles (token gifts), as fun, extravagant and thoughtful as they may be, but I don't believe that we can get through life comfortably and well balanced without the intangibles.

The truly astonishing part of this intangible gift giving is, that we benefit more when giving than when receiving. We've always heard that it is better to give than to receive, but the ramifications of being the giver extend and give energy that is boundless. The ripple effect can stretch and move in any number of directions, and continue to do so ad infinitum.

Many of us heard the "pay it forward" story involving a drive through lane at a local fast food restaurant. One of the customers was holding up the line for an unusually long time, for one reason or another. When the customer finally pulled forward and the next in line approached the window to pay for his order, the employee told him that his bill had already been paid by the person ahead of him as an apology for the lengthy delay. The gentleman was so overcome by the random act of kindness, that he, too, decided to pay for the person behind him.

And so it went for the next several hours. One person after the other paying for the next in line, just as their order had been paid for by the one ahead of them.

These "feel good stories", because of their rarity, generally gain national attention. Around the holidays we very often hear of "Silent Santas" and other charitable acts. As wonderful as it is, and as good as it feels for the giver and receiver, it is short lived. Come January of the new year, as the holiday lights are taken down and packed away, old habits start to reform and everyone goes back to the old ways. All of a sudden, no one lets you in line on the roads, and post-holiday impatience is rampant in check-out lines and, sadly, between family members, friends and strangers. Yet, it doesn't have to be.

We live in a fairly competitive world. If only we were all out there trying to outdo others in random acts of kindness. A wish, a statement, a challenge? Choose and make of it what you will. But if you do take it as a wish, wish long and hard. If it is a statement, take heed. And if it is a challenge, may you all outdo one another.

Day By Day, Peace Is The Way

In his book, Peace Is The Way, Deepak Chopra uses the second sentence of Mahatma Gandhi's well known quote, "There is no way to peace. Peace is the way" to emphasize to all that peace is from within.

One can take anything and externalize it, setting it apart from their being, however, it's when that emotion, desire or belief is accepted into their conscious thoughts that it becomes an involuntary part of them, much like breathing.

It is impressive and inspiring to read how, in a cycle of seven days, we can become peacemakers. I'd like to share with you these few pages from his book.

"Seven Practices For Peace"
How to become a peacemaker

The program for peace asks you to become a peacemaker by following a specific practice every day, each centered on the theme of making peace real, one step at a time, in your personal life.

Sunday: Being for Peace.
Monday: Thinking for Peace.
Tuesday: Feeling for Peace.
Wednesday: Speaking for Peace.
Thursday: Acting for Peace.
Friday: Creating for Peace.
Saturday: Sharing for Peace.

Each practice takes only a few minutes. You can be as private or outspoken as you wish. But those around you will know that you are for peace by the way you conduct your life on a daily basis.

Sunday: Being for Peace

Today, take five minutes to meditate for peace. Sit quietly with your eyes closed. Put your attention on your heart and inwardly repeat these four words: Peace, Harmony, Laughter, Love. Allow these words to radiate from your heart's stillness out into your body. As you end your meditation, say to yourself, Today I will relinquish all resentments and grievances. Bring into your mind a grievance against someone and let it go. Send that person your forgiveness.

Monday: Thinking for Peace

Thinking has power when it is backed by intention. Today, introduce the intention of peace in your thoughts. Take a few moments of silence, then repeat this ancient prayer:

Let me be love, let me be happy, let me be peaceful.
Let my friends be happy, loved, and peaceful.
Let my perceived enemies be happy, loved, and peaceful.
Let all beings be happy, loved, and peaceful.
Let the whole world experience these things.

If at any time during the day you are overshadowed by fear or anger, repeat these intentions. Use this prayer to get back to your center.

Tuesday: Feeling for Peace

This is the day to experience the emotions of peace. The emotions of peace are compassion, understanding, and love. Compassion is the feeling of shared suffering. When you feel someone else's suffering, understanding is born. Understanding is the knowledge that suffering is shared by everyone. When you understand that you aren't alone in your suffering, there is the birth of love. When there is love there is the opportunity for peace. As practice, observe a stranger some time during your day. Silently say to yourself, This person is just like me. Like me, this person has experienced joy and sorrow, despair and hope, fear and love. Like me, this person has people in his or her life who deeply care and love him or her. Like me, this person's life is important and will one day end. This person's peace is as important as my peace. I want peace, harmony, laughter, and love in his or her life and the life of all beings.

Wednesday: Speaking for Peace

Today, the purpose of speaking is to create happiness in the listener. Have this intention: Today every word I utter will be chosen consciously. I will refrain from complaints, condemnation, and criticism. Your practice is to do one of the following:
° Tell someone how much you appreciate him or her.
° Express genuine gratitude to those who have helped and loved you.
° Offer healing or nurturing words to someone who needs them.
° Show respect to someone whose respect you value.
If you find that you are reacting negatively to anyone, in a way that isn't peaceful, refrain from speaking and keep silent. Wait to speak until you feel centered and calm, and then speak with respect.

Thursday: Acting For Peace

Today is the day to help someone in need: a child, a sick person, an older or frail person. Help can take many forms. Tell yourself, Today I will bring a smile to a stranger's face. If someone acts in a hurtful way to me or someone else, I will respond with a gesture of loving kindness. I will send an anonymous gift to someone, however small. I will offer help without asking for gratitude or recognition.

Friday: Creating for Peace

Today, come up with at least one creative idea to resolve a conflict, either in your personal life or your family circle or among friends. If you can, try and create an idea that applies to your community, the nation, or the whole world. You may change an old habit that isn't working, look at someone a new way, offer words you never offered before, or think of an activity that brings people together in good feeling and laughter. Second, invite a family member or friend to come up with one creative idea of this kind on his or her own. Creativity feels best when you are the one thinking up the new idea or approach. Make it known that you accept and enjoy creativity. Be loose and easy. Let the ideas flow and try out anything that has appeal. The purpose here is to bond, because only when you bond with others can there be mutual trust. When you trust, there is no need for hidden hostility and suspicion - the two great enemies of peace.

Saturday: Sharing for Peace

Today, share your practice of peacemaking with two people. Give them this text and invite them to begin the daily practice. As more of us participate in this sharing, our practice will expand into a critical mass. Today, joyfully celebrate your own peace consciousness with at least one other peace-conscious person. Connect either through e-mail or by phone. Share your experience of growing peace. Share your gratitude that someone else is as serious about peace as you are. Share your ideas for helping the world move closer to critical mass. Do whatever you can, in small or large ways, to assist anyone who wants to become a peacemaker.

Today I am committing to sharing these ideals, as Deepak Chopra has requested in his book, Peace Is The Way. I am sharing with more than two, yet less than the smallest fraction of the world's population. It feels good. Right. Human nature will mandate that I continually reread these seven days of peacemaking to become a peace-monger. I'm hoping if I keep at it, just like learning the ABC's through daily recitation, I will finally get it right.

Wish me luck. And while you're at it, kindly wish me peace.