Walk Away, Renée or How I Made the Best Change of My Life

The year is 1966. The band -  The Left Banke. The story - one of love and a free-spirited girlfriend named Renée. But you know that's not what this article is about! It's not just about walking away, but  knowing when to walk away. When it feels right. When the flame has sputtered and died. When all options have been reviewed and re-reviewed. It's about closing a door so that another may open. And it's not just about love relationships. It's about life - work, education, travel, friends, recreation, opportunities. People and places and things that have fully reached their potential shelf-life and have expired.

It's about knowing when to walk away

Sometimes the lines are a little hazy; we throw away eggs when the expiration date has been reached, but we might hold onto aspirin and canned tomato soup longer.

                                      

When it comes to people, where we live and where we work, it is not as simple as discarding a few old eggs into the garbage disposal. Great consideration should be given to the serious consequences that such a decision will place upon the one walking away and the one left behind.

It's equally important to think about what precipitated the need to change your (fill in the blank). When you feel the time has come to change your relationship with your spouse or dear friend, quit your job, move away from your home or hometown entirely, it shouldn't be a snap judgement. Carefully weigh the pros and cons of staying and leaving. A reactive nature may cause this to be the worst decision ever, while a conscientious nature may turn it into the best.

Chaos can lead to calamity as well as great change. Looking deeply into the reasons why you want to walk away from a situation will support your final decision. This life-altering change usually cannot be easily reversed. Think about this before you make it a definite move:

1. Can anything be done (worked on) so that walking away is not necessary or still a little ways off from a life disruption?
2. Have you considered the pros and cons of leaving?
3. Is there a way to take a short break to delve deeper into the situation prior to ending it? During the break you  may want to talk to a therapist or job counselor to gain a different, unbiased perspective. Reading books and conducting research can also shed light and assist in arriving at a well thought out resolution.

Also remember that if the person  or job is  making you ill, unhappy and unfulfilled on a daily basis, after trying all other avenues, the arrow is pointing towards making a change. And as the little poster to the left says, "All Great Changes Are Preceded by Chaos." Chaos is a pretty good indicator that change is going to net you a whole lot more future happiness than you're feeling right now. Makes you think, maybe Renee should have run!

What's Better than Counting Sheep?

Counting your blessings is a way of keeping your faith strong. For when you are present to the fact that even when life is rough around the edges and you still have a roof over your head, food on the table and, more importantly, family and friends whose love sustains you, you realize that you are one of the luckiest people in the world at that moment. When you keep counting your blessings, the moments continue, lengthen and run into the next. They don't wane - they remain, growing - taking root - becoming a source of energy. As you count your blessings over and over again, a pattern emerges. It becomes your mantra. Better than counting sheep. Life fulfilling. Life sustaining. Life altering.

 Identify Your Blessings

Personalize your blessings. Remember when you named your first doll or teddy bear? They were so much more special and a part of you and your life. Be thankful for sight, sound, taste, love, parents, children, belief, dreams, goals, and even disappointments, as they are generally the springboard that drives and challenges you, creating positive change.

Feel Your Blessings
Think about what you are saying. As you count your blessings be present to not only what your words are, but your thoughts and feelings at the same time. Mesh with the energy of your words and thoughts. Feel how your body responds as you breathe - how it begins to relax and take comfort in your thankfulness and realization of all the blessings that you are acknowledging; that exist.

Filled to Overflowing 
What very often happens as you count your blessings is the natural progression of understanding that gratitude is an unstoppable force leading to awe, beauty and wonder. This is an emotional awakening that you might not have expected. Your joy at this discovery is released along with endorphins. Moments ago you might have felt lost and broken. Now you feel alive and present to the wonders of the universe and all the magic it holds. You are a part of this universe that continuously redefines and regenerates the energies of all matter, thoughts, possibilities and probabilities. Tears of sorrow are often replaced with tears of joy and gratitude; from salty to sweet - Tears that wash away the bitterness of fleeting disappointments, making way for the new, more positive energy of better things to come.  You are manifesting a better future for yourself.

The Sheep Won't Mind

Count your blessings when you first awaken and before you go to sleep. Pleasant and serene thoughts precede a joyous day and ensure a more restful sleep. 

Count your sweet, sweet blessings. Name them, identify them, feel them and make them a part of your life. Draw them into the fold of your existence and have them become an extension of your thoughts, deeds and energy. Counting your blessings instead of sheep will bring you more peace than you could have every imagined. Sweet dreams and sweet blessings. Honestly, the sheep won't mind one bit.

A, E, I, O, U and Oftentimes - Why?

Ability, Empathy, Instinct, Opportunity, Understanding: What do these words mean to you?   
 

We all have the ability to be empathetic, to use our instincts, to step through a door or, at the very least, a window of opportunity that is open to us; and the capacity of understanding to accept another’s point of view. Why, then, is it often a struggle? Why is there a “why” here? What aren’t we seeing and what is missing from an equation that should be written in black and white but is a constant inhabitant of the many-shades-of-grey world?

The answer is: FREEDOM. Our God given right is freedom: Freedom of choice, freedom of thought - the freedoms of ability, empathy, instinct, opportunity and understanding.

Freedoms that dwell in our minds and emotions; the emancipation of a network of thoughts that are liberated each time we make a choice and own it are the “Why” of what we do and is the variant in this equation.

·      Why do our innate abilities lay dormant?

·      Why is it difficult to show empathy for another?

·      Why do we ignore our instincts that surface at the right time?

·      Why is opportunity quashed, waiting for a time that never again comes knocking at our door?

·      Why does understanding manifest as a one-way street that we travel, looking to be understood but choosing to not understand others?

Answers to YOUR Why’s

The universe is energy. Our thoughts are energy. Our actions, our words, our physical world, all =  energy. Once you grasp this concept your own personal world starts to shift, and understanding occurs. However, understanding will never take place unless you use your time wisely and start to think about what you want in your life - what needs to be manifested to have that better life.

There is an inner world and an outer world in each one of our lives. Too often we look in when we should be looking out and look out when we should be looking inward. Why this occurs is due to the juxtaposition of our thoughts and, seemingly, needs at that time. This is why thinking about what you want to draw to you is vital.

When Should We Look Inward? 

To continue to grow we need to look inward.  Just as a seed begins to grow while nestled in the fertile soil of Mother Earth, we begin to grow when we think about what it is we want to accomplish.

When we choose to forget about anything else and focus on improving our own life, this is the pivotal moment when the tiny first green shoot finally springs forth from the seedpod. Building character, learning empathy, recognizing and taking full advantage of our abilities, and understanding when opportunities are ripe and perfect for the taking, comes from within. It’s where you make your personal foundation strong and purposeful.

What’s Left for Looking Outward?

Looking outward is of equal importance. People, nature, life – it’s all out there ready to be experienced, enjoyed and to be used for the inward growth afterward. Looking at your surroundings helps keep you aware of where you are needed, what needs to be done and supplies some of those opportunities to better yourself while enjoying life and living it to the fullest.  

It can seem a little complicated but in reality it’s not. When you start and end your day looking within, the time spent looking outside yourself becomes material for your inner growth. The universe is uncomplicated – we just make it so.

To learn more about and understand others, we need to learn more about ourselves. It’s a natural progression. We learn our ABC’s to write words. We learn words to write sentences. And we learn to write sentences to create the wonderful world of literature.

Think of your personal growth, one idea, one deed at a time and you will be the author of a life of beauty and fulfillment – for yourself and others.

You will then know the greatest energy of all: living in purposeful balance with the universe.

A Common "Goal"

I was speaking with an old friend today. We got around to talking about faith and I really liked what he had to say. Bear in mind that we are different in so many ways:

1. He's a man,  I'm a woman
2. He's tall, I'm vertically challenged (okay, short)
3. He was raised Catholic, I was born of the Jewish faith
4. He knows how to play hockey, I only know how to play hooky

Anyway, you get my point. We're different. But what he had to say made so much sense and logically erased the faith/religion barrier.  His analogy comes from the game of hockey. It's simple and, the way he said it, quite eloquent (for a hockey jock, that is).

"We all love the game of hockey, we're just playing on different teams."

"We all love the game of hockey, we're just playing on different teams."

When he said this, he was referring to himself being Catholic and me being Jewish but having faith in the same God. In his analogy hockey is symbolic of the deity and the different colored jerseys (teams) the various religions. He rambled off Catholicism, Judaism, Baha'i and a couple of others.

The message is clear: It doesn't matter which team we're playing for because we all have the love of the game.

Translation: It doesn't matter whether we pray in a temple or meditate in a tepee because we all have love for God.

So, if we're all praying to the same pure light and energy source, why can't we all just get along?

"The only way to make sure people you agree with can speak is to support the rights of people you don't agree with."      — Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

There's Two Sides to Everything, and We're Not Talking 'Slaw and Fries!

'Slaw and fries on opposite sides!

When you hear the words, "You're entitled to your opinion," do you ever stop to think about what is being said? What message is being sent? It's an unfinished statement. Too often there's a "but" that follows and, of course, you hear the opinion. Their side. You may be the coleslaw, but they're talkin' fries.

I wrote a little bit about this a year or two ago. It was about perspective. The example I used was watching a hockey game (my son was playing defense). The ref made a call that everyone in the surrounding bleachers, including me, thought was a really bad one. At the very same time, however, the family and friends watching from the adjacent bleachers were excited and clapping, supporting the ref's decision. We were outraged! How could one be so blind? So oblivious?

Well, it's really easy to have an opinion that makes no sense to someone else. While we're asking them to try and see it from our perspective, we're ignoring the fact that they want us to do the same thing. Everyone has an agenda.
Sometimes people try to cut deals. "Just listen to what I have to say first and see if you don't agree with me. Then I'll be more than happy to listen to what you have to say." Easier said than done. Everyone wants to go first - to have their say before the other gets a chance to speak.

No matter which side makes their case first, the outcome is already predetermined - 'slaw's sticking with mayo and fries are cozying up with ketchup!
 
How can this two-sided arena come to an agreement? Will it end in the old standby, "We'll just have to agree to disagree?" Perhaps. But there are a couple of ways to get around this. They take practice and lots of resolve but they do work.

'Slaw and fries hanging out with no sandwich buffer-zone?

You First
 Two words. Simple. Polite. Respectful. Allows for the other to make their case without having to agree to hear you out first. Believe it or not, you've already made yourself heard louder and clearer than pushing for top billing.
Restrict
This takes more practice, but is amazingly successful. Don' t share your opinion. Seriously. Don't speak. Listen to your friend, nod, smile and let it go. If pressed, do not react. A genuine message such as, "You have an interesting take. I'd like to think about it" can end things peaceably.

Perspective, peace-keeping, positive, proactive. Call it what you may – it makes sense.
'Slaw and fries hanging out with no sandwich buffer-zone? Stranger things have happened!

Independence Day – One Day At a Time

There is a particular quality of emotion that is evoked when the strains of national anthems begin and slowly build to a crescendo. Around the world the sentimental pieces of music, sung in hundreds of languages, are typically a part of elaborately planned celebrations that speak of pride of country and loyalty to its representatives. Yesterday, April 15th, was Israel's Independence Day. In July, both Canada and the United States of America will celebrate their own on the 1st and 4th respectively.

When countries celebrate their independence it is a massive production involving millions of citizens coming together, supportive of government and one another. Many in number they are united and strong, forming a mighty fortress, human brick by human brick. The celebrations are a time to enjoy music and dance, wear festive costumes, eat special foods and watch the night come alive as fireworks explode in colorful configurations.

Yet, not all Independence Days are noted on calendars. Most are celebrated alone. These hard-earned, noteworthy events draw little attention and are usually celibate celebrations. So many brave soldiers have never set foot on foreign soil. For many, the hardest battles are fought from within.

On any given day, though you would never know it, there are parents, children, teachers, neighbors and friends fighting for their lives. We see it on TV, read about it in the newspapers and witness it in the streets. Predators in all disguises: alcohol, drugs, domestic violence, disorders, sexual battery, prostitution, diseases and phobias. Some of the predators don't seem as alarming: unhappy at home, dissatisfied at work, verbal abuse, but they take their toll as well.

The day an individual says, "No more" and resists their personal demons, overcomes the unbelievable fatigue associated with their battle and removes them self from the horrible fear that has weighed them down for far too long, is their Independence Day. Your loyalty to yourself is your own magnificent Independence Day.

Your heart and good nature were never intended to be trampled upon, used and left in the dirt. It is the part of you that beats the rhythm of calm as easily as the uneven syncopation of stress and fear. Your anxieties were never meant to be handled alone. And your suffering can be history as you plant your flag and claim your Independence Day.

April is National Rebuilding Month. Think about how you want to rebuild yourself, your life, your independence. Not all building is done with brick and mortar.

Side effects include: a deep sense of pride, increased self-worth, calm, inner peace and happiness.

Fireworks optional.

In the Driver's Seat

On the open road of life, more often than not, we occupy the passenger seat. It's not always a comfortable place to be, but it serves a purpose. 

• It teaches us to give up control and enjoy the ride. 
• It also teaches us to observe others as they handle situations; to use this time to strengthen our own decision-making skills.
• The passenger's seat gives us opportunity to relinquish, relax and restore our faith in others as they man the helm. 

Everybody wants to be in the driver's seat - it's the place of power. The place where you get to ask the questions and make the calls. Or is it?

Remember Driving Miss Daisy? Who drove and who controlled? Miss Daisy barked out orders from the back seat while quiet and accommodating Mr. Hoke Colburn took it in stride, at the wheel of the car; never complaining and almost always remaining calm.

Perhaps you're now confused. So who does hold the position of power? The driver? The passenger? The boss? The employee? The horse? The jockey?

It may seem pretty confusing, but it's really quite simple. Let's take another walk down Memory Lane. Remember the old Certs commercial: Certs is a breath mint, no Certs is a candy mint. Certs is two, two, two mints in one? Did one aspect override the other or did they provide dual functions that worked well together?

It doesn't really matter who appears to be in the driver's seat. The fact remains that a carriage isn't going anywhere without the horse, yet the driver controls the ride. Being in the driver's seat is a huge responsibility but it can never replace the importance of the passenger. What's a taxi driver without a paying customer? Just a driver out for a ride.

Whether you're in command, second in line or at the very end of the line, each position has a reason, a right and a responsibility to the others. When life is in balance, everyone's true purpose becomes clear and apparent. When we recognize that we are where we are supposed to be, that is when life makes sense, becomes easier and is purposeful. That is the real power.