It's Not About China

You might think that this blog post is politically based because of its title.  It's not. Nothing could be further from the truth.

It could have worn the title "It's Not About Crystal" or "It's Not About the Dress" or some other component of today's wedding celebrations. 

Weddings are a big deal – and they should be! They are the start of a union, a meeting of the minds, so to speak. However, it is a sad fact that more and more marriages are dissolving, and often within a very short time after emotionally speaking vows that meant something.  So why the title, "It's Not About China?"

Your china pattern may seem like a big deal, but here's a short story about a woman who had it all, or so it seemed.

Diane was married to a man who could provide for her everything her heart desired. She rode in the most expensive cars, wore clothes that came from high-end shops, had the diamonds, the home decor and the dishes. The only thing she didn't have was a husband who was on the same page as she. He was a brute and hit her. Not often but even once is too much. She finally divorced him.

Enter husband number two. A gentle man – a loving man toward Diane and her children. He was not a big earner but his love for her knew no bounds. Diane loved him and glowed when she mentioned his name. They were a happy couple and became a happy family.

This might not seem like the most interesting story but the day Diane excitedly told me of the dinner party she and her husband were giving made everything crystal clear to me. She said she didn't have enough dishes to serve the 8 or 10 people expected. She had walked away from everything in her previous marriage. I offered to lend her additional dishes for her guests. She declined and said, "No thanks, we'll make do." The next day I asked her how her dinner party went. She exclaimed, "It was perfect! We had so much fun." I was curious what she ended up doing about the extra dishes she needed, specifically the salad bowls. She happily said, "We washed out margarine containers and used those. They didn't match but the salad was great!

 As you enjoy the beautiful details of planning a wedding, remember that it's really about the marriage of two souls, two hearts that will live together and weave a partnership of the most intimate and loving fabric. The china pattern that you chose so carefully and the crystal that you picked out together may break or lose its charm. Dishes can be replaced. But it is far easier to smile at the love of your life over the cracked lip of a coffee mug than to smile at what appears to be a stranger over the most perfect bone china.

Books: Our Forever Companions

Dogs might be considered man's best friend, but ask any number of people what items or companions they would want to pack if knowing they were to be stranded on a deserted island and you can almost bet they will mention their favorite books.

Throughout youth and adulthood many voracious readers become victims of life. What this means is the young may find the time they have for reading is taken up by critical and time-sensitive homework assignments. Adults, on the other hand, often feel the pressures of work and other responsibilities prevent them from the recreational reading that they enjoy due to lack of concentration. They have the time but not the presence of mind.

There is no harm in stacking a few good reads on your nightstand to be readily available when the reading-mood strikes. In the past I have recommended some books around this time of the year – and this year is no different. A few that I've found to be educational and inspirational include:

• Love for No Reason by Marci Shimoff - Free Press. Ms. Shimoff is the New York Times bestselling author of Happy for No Reason. In the more recent, Love for No Reason, the author creates a seven step program to enhance the quality of love in your life  – and this includes love of yourself! Ms. Shimoff guides her readers through what they may consider unlovable in themselves, as well as how to come from a place of compassion as a means to communicate and give unconditional love to others. Her straightforward approach and helpful exercises open up the door to a better understanding of love and what it can manifest. Engaging, anecdotal stories makes this a very personal, satisfying read.
• The 11 Karmic Spaces by Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati - Kashi Publishing. Interesting that Marci Shimoff, the above-noted author comments that "Unconditional love is the very center of Ma Jaya's teachings! This beautiful, educational tool of love, honesty and spiritual law is illuminating and refreshing in that it categorically states what karma is and what it is not.
• Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn - MJF Books. Broken up into three superlative sections, Mr. Kabat-Zinn's book of mindful meditation is not just a theoretical plan. It incorporates the practice and assists the "meditation rookie" in a manner that appears simplistic in its ease of use. He encourages the reader to be present in their own life, teaching each of us that there are no greener pastures and that contentment comes from within.

 I will leave you with a few beautiful quotes on reading ... enjoy!

“He that loves a book will never want a faithful friend, a wholesome counselor, a cheerful companion, an effectual comforter. By study, by reading, by thinking, one may innocently divert and pleasantly entertain himself, as in all weathers, as in all fortunes.”
^{- Barrow}

“To feel most beautifully alive means to be reading something beautiful, ready always to apprehend in the flow of language the sudden flash of poetry.”
^{- Gaston Bachelard}

“The more you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.”
^{- Dr. Seuss, "I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!"}

Your Own Personal (Behavior) Diet Journal

Thinking positively is just as frustrating as trying to stick to a diet! It is a learned behavior and only the truly committed manage to succeed. The similarities are many, and the results as rewarding.

    
Exercise daily.

• Laugh & smile frequently
•  Take several deep cleansing breaths
• Commune with nature, feel gratitude  & show love  

Weigh your options (thoughts & words). 

• Choose a word such as 'when' instead of 'if'
•  Recognize when silence is more powerful than speaking
  
• Think before you speak so you will not have to eat your words 

Push your limits regularly.

• Be an overachiever and go out of your way for others
•  Match your dreams and aspirations with actions to accomplish them
• When the going gets tough, and it will, be the one who gets tough and stays the course

Weigh in at the end of each week. It's like stepping on the bathroom scale. Make a short check list of your behavior diet. Did you ...

• Fill yourself with positive thoughts and words rather than empty negatives?
• Eat more words than you intended or stay within your allotted amount of words?
• Push your own personal limits while avoiding pushing your family's and friends buttons?

Bravo! Kudos! Way to Go! You CAN Do It! Almost There! With Each Passing Week, It's Easier!

Is Your A/C Working?

Are you feeling out of sorts these days?

• Irritable
• Can't sleep
• Fuzzy or foggy 

You may need to have your A/C checked. Not your air conditioner. There's another A/C that I'm talking about. It gets you past most obstacles and even at the hottest of times helps you stay cool, calm and collected. It allows you to breathe, to not worry or obsess about the future. It keeps you grounded, positive and happier.

I'm talking about Absolute Certainty. 

Absolute Certainty. 

What is absolute certainty? It is knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt. It is conviction, faith, belief. It is having the highest measure of assurance. It gets you to where you're going because you know that the outcome is positive, even as you journey along a winding path that doesn't permit you to see what is beyond the next point. You don't need to know: your mind is set and assures you that all is well. You have absolute certainty about the outcome.


 

The three Hebrew letters above, read from right to left, are ayin resh yud. They represent one of the 72 names of God found in Kabbalah. Many have discovered that by meditating on this triplet of characters, miracles have occurred. It has helped thousands of people through some of their darkest hours and most trying times. 

Praying on absolute certainty puts you in a zone, in a place you've never been before. However, once you've been there you may never want to leave. 

Having absolute certainty occurs often without realizing it. For example, when you're trying to make a movie and the parking lot is crowded: You have this feeling that as you round the next aisle you will find a parking spot. Unbelievably, you do. 

From every day small occurrences to a once in a lifetime miracle, absolute certainty is a way of thinking that can develop into a way of life. In a manner of speaking, it is a way of accentuating the positive and not dwelling on negativity. Believing in the power of positive thinking is a great part of absolute certainty. 

When was the last time you were absolutely sure about something? If it is true that we manifest our future with our present thoughts, maybe it's time to tune up the A/C.

If Only I Had ...

If Only I Had ...

Paid attention in school, studied harder, gotten a degree, taken my time choosing a profession, been kinder to my family and friends, taken better care of my health, prepared for the future, had a plan B, given back more to my community,  not always taken the easiest way out, read more of the classics,

taken responsibility for my downfalls, answered the call when someone needed me. If only I had waited 10 seconds before answering in haste, given more than I received, played fair, taken 

the high road, nurtured my children, shown respect to my family, friends

co-workers and strangers. If only happiness, peace 

and success were my mantra every

morning upon

rising.

STOP

°°°

START 

Today

is an opportunity

to pay attention, study and work

harder,  get a degree and rethink your

career and professional path. As of this moment

you have the chance to be kinder to family and friends.

Today you can start exercising and eat healthier, lay down a plan

for a better future, volunteer and take the time to go to the library and start

reading the classics. Now is the time to grow in the areas that you choose to improve

upon. This moment is the moment to think before you speak, take the high road and play

fair. Your children are always open to your love and ready to accept you for the person you

are: time to improve that person and nurture those you love. Time to give respect and wake 

up every day with a mantra that fills your heart and makes your spirit soar. Now, is the time.

Life = T + O + C

Life is scary and full of peril, says one.  Life is dull and dreary, says another.  A third one says life's a bowl of cherries, so why do I keep getting only the pits?  Yet a fourth says life is bright and beautiful.

Well, which is it?  How can several statements on the quality of life vary to such an extensive degree?  Simple.  T O C.

Timing, opportunity and choices.  Think about it.  What comments are often bantered about?  "Timing is everything," "Opportunity seldom knocks twice" and “The end result of your life here on earth will always be the sum total of the choices you made while you were here.”

Okay, that last quote is a mouthful and not often bantered about, but think about its essence: Your choices are what gave you and continue to give you your life.  Your past, present and future are representative of the choices you made and continue to make each day.

We learn about timing, opportunity and choices from a very early age.  Remember double dutch?  That skipping game with two skipping ropes being turned one after the other?  It was all about timing.  Granted your life did not hinge on whether you were able to jump into the middle of the two ropes, but it did rate high in the hierarchy of skipping!  If your timing was off the two ropes slackened and jumbled together like a pile of spaghetti and you the unsuspecting meatball!

Opportunity is not necessarily a do or die moment.  It also appears at a very early age.  Think back to when you were in grade school and the teacher asked for volunteers for a special project.  That was opportunity knocking.  Some of the students recognized it and opened the door while others ignored it, and probably ignored it throughout their formal education.

The third part of life's equation is choice.  The choices you make will most certainly determine the kind of life you lead.  Choices are present around the clock.  Should you set your alarm for six in the morning to get to the gym before you go to work or seven to get an extra hour of sleep?  Do you want to eat cold cereal or oatmeal?  Will you take the bus or the train to visit your friend in the country?  What color shirt or pants will you wear today?  Ten o'clock news show or read a book?

Each possibility, the timing plus opportunity plus choices that make up ones life is a continuum.  This collective sequence will lead to another and another.  By the time you're twenty, thirty, forty and so on, you will have experienced many collective sequences that timing, opportunity and choices afforded you.  At the end of the day, this will be the story of your life.

It is said that hindsight is twenty/twenty.  What, then, is foresight?  The ability to use your knowledge and past experiences, along with advice from those far more experienced.  Each third of the equation of life interlocks with the other two thirds.  Think of a Venn diagram.  The middle nugget where all three important parts overlap is your life.  Remember, the prior four statements varied greatly.  Each life was lived, but one surpassed the other three.   Carefully observe that moment when you can jump in between the two skipping ropes, pay attention to the situation at hand and be vigilant in avoiding the repetition of poor choices.  Mistakes are your education but making the same mistake twice is like repeating a level in grade school.

Be present, open the door when opportunity comes a knocking and solidly review the choices presented.  You will be among those quoted as saying, "Life is bright and beautiful."